Carol Frohlinger (www.negotiatingwomen.com), keynote speaker at WomenUP 2008 on March 6, will give us more than the tools to move to our next professional level; she’ll teach us to negotiate on every level. And, she tells us, we must pass the tools on to others. The five keys to negotiating success, she says, are information, support, resources, coaching and changing.
Information – The information (intelligence) you need to decide whether a role you are considering is a good fit. ‘Way too many people are reluctant to ask for the information they need to understand the job, the culture, the people with whom they will be working ? data they need to make an informed decision.
Support -- The support you need from the people who put you in the role; it includes elements like a strategic introduction that explains why you were selected for the job, and how to best work with your boss and others.
Resources – The resources you need to get the job done ?budget, time, people, etc.
Coaching -- Coach people around you to accomplish their objectives.
Change -- Change things for the better? leave a legacy that will live on after you’ve left the role.
Her first leadership challenge, Frohlinger says, took place when she was “a young woman, first woman sales manager for a division of a large company. I was all excited to attend my first offsite meeting – until I learned that it was being held at The Playboy Club!
“I decided that I wasn’t going to make an issue of the choice of venue,” she continued. “Rather, I used humor as the way to manage a difficult situation. It was the right decision because, as a woman, it is easy to be perceived as ‘high maintenance’ and it wasn’t worth expending the social capital.”
When she was growing up, Carol’s mother often pointed out to her that young women were meant to be teachers, secretaries or nurses until they married and had children. Then, of course, they were meant to stay home. They weren’t meant to be outspoken or opinionated, but our speaker broke her mother’s mold. She says, though, her mother was “always very strong in a quiet way and my first major supporter.”
She went on to become an attorney because in that profession, she could get paid for sharing her opinions. Her passion for negotiation, she says, came about gradually.
“It is my belief that a great lawyer always tries to negotiate a good result for her clients,” said Frohlinger. “But at the time I began to practice law, many of the male lawyers with whom I was negotiating weren’t very happy that I, a woman, was at the table and, even worse, they weren’t afraid to show it. I realized I had to figure out a style that worked for me and would allow me to get the results I wanted for my clients. I began to read extensively on the topic of negotiation.
“Years later,” she continued, “I got interested in how gender affects negotiation. I worked with hundreds of men and women as a negotiation trainer-coach over a period of years and was fascinated by the differences I observed. Women, it seemed to me, tended not to claim credit for the excellent results they achieved. Men didn’t seem to share that problem. I decided to try my best to change that.
“Negotiation is not just dealmaking” said Dr. Frohlinger; “it’s a part of all our communication on every level, personal and professional, and it begins at home.”
She will tell us how to take home the negotiating skills she teaches, so that we can give these essential tools to our own sons and daughters.
Not only will she tell us how negotiation should go beyond trying for a higher salary, but she will give us the tools that lead up to it.
To put negotiation in accurate perspective for us, we may not realize it but we are negotiating all the time, but when we do realize it we view the skill quite differently from men. When women think of negotiation, we often compare it to a trip to the dentist, while men look at it as playing a ballgame.
So, how surprising is it that men negotiate 4-to-6 times more often than women, and that women create lower expectations than men! We ask for less and accept less.
Come and hear Carol Frohlinger tell us how to play the game, and she’ll inspire us to jump in and say, “Batter up!”
Molly Alexander Darden
www.thewordmason.com
